Cafe Camarano

Ice Prancing is not a Sport!

Yeah…yeah…yeah, I know they are athletes with an incredible amount of talent. I have never argued that point, but it doesn’t make it a sport. Walking in high heels and a bikini apparently takes a lot of skill and talent but no one is calling the Miss America Pageant a sport. It is a spectacle. Come to think of it the two are very closely related, big hair, loads of makeup, skimpy outfits and bad music. Ice Prancing is a spectacle.

I will give them props; with the new scoring system they are moving more towards becoming a sport now than they ever were before. Finally a fall means points deductions, even if you are a Russian. The act of doing multiple spinny maneuvers well means more than doing less spinny maneuvers with a lot of pointy toes and flashy jazz hand movements. This clarification in the points (meaning that they now make sense and are understandable by average folks) has been a major force in non-Soviet Bloc countries having a chance at winning. It has also brought a certain amount of entertainment back to the sport as you can get a general sense of who is doing well and who isn’t. However, when keeping score at home you still have to remember to add 6 points for any former Soviet nation score. Sort of a thanks for the memories and the jazz hands.

The bad music I get, it is all the Soviets had availability to, but what is with the kitsche costumes. The Ukrainian woman had on tassles and a G-string. The last time I saw a woman dressed like that was at a bachelor party. Apparently the Olympic rule for costumes is that they may be athletic or fitting for the character. I think we have definitely gone beyond that into the realm of bizarre. Of course the American Diva Michael Weir has named his costume. I think it is called Claribell or something like that. Of course Claribell apparently believed it’s own hype and decided it didn’t need to perform well in order to win. Maybe it got mad because the Long Program costume was getting more of Michaels time.

Did anyone catch the Italian team on the 3^rd night? For those of you who missed it the Italian team came out of retirement to perform on home ice. They performed beautifully on the firs night and were in 2^nd place behind the Russians. Apparently even home town heroes don’t get a point bonus that could put them on level terms. But the drama began on the second night, or the night of a thousand drops as I like to call it. They were dropping on the ice faster than bombs on Iraq. It was like bad karma for all the ugly costumes and music had gathered in one spot and was wreaking a terrible, Old testament, style vengeance. When the Italians skated a flawless routine you knew they were going to vault into first place, and then it happened. She turned too far he was overbalanced and down they went in a heap. You could here a pin drop in the auditorium. Best of all the Italian Diva Barbara Puli-whatchamajigger gave her partner the old Italian death stare. For those of you who are not of Italian decent let me explain. The Italians are masters of unspoken communication and there is nothing more frightening than the look of doom given when and Italian has their blood up. If you thought the ice was cold then you missed the waiting room shots of the Italian team the next night. Apparently they hadn’t spoken to each other since the night before and they could barely look at each other as they skated out for their third and final performance. Now that is riveting stuff.

If you are looking for the best in reality TV packed with drama, and intrigue then Ice Prancing in its various forms is for you. Get rid of the silly costumes, the arm waving for no apparent reason, and please get rid of the music and you have the makings of and athletic spectacle worthy of the name Sport.

posted by Flashy @ 10:12 AM